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Counseling Center hugs AUBG Today
By Nils Holgersson
December 10, 2008
Mock story
After an “obviously high sanity decline” among AUBG Students, Counseling Center Director Maddy von Crazy-Puller announced on Monday that the Center will soon start campus wide distribution of soothing stories that were written for the University Relations Office in an attempt to improve students’ mental well-being.
“Craziness among students has obviously increased. Last week, they were complaining about the [pre-]registration; on Wednesday, I heard some complaining about the Internet [access]; on Thursday, I couldn’t walk to my office because of all the trash in the corridor; and the number of students who visit the Center has tripled. This must be stopped,” Crazy-Puller said.
“I initially gave several stories to students who visited the Center and the treatment was very successful,” Crazy-Puller added. One of the most effective stories is about Professor Razvratnik Durt, which was written by Borina Zadnikov. “The sweetness of the beginning of that story is very soothing, and makes students fly,” she added.
“It truly made me fly. Those stories are better than Prozac,” student Isam Luda said.
Health Center Director Vent Daska said he doubts that anything can make students fly. “Come on, you have to take into consideration that most students are very heavy because they are pregnant.”
University Relations Director, Vsichko e Mnogoiako, said he came up with the idea to distribute the stories. “I talked with Maddy [von Crazy-Puller] last week about [the idea] and she said she’ll test it in the Counseling Center. I didn’t expect them to implement it so soon.”
AUBG Office of Command and Control (OCC) Commander and Chief Latchazaro Flip said he doubts the Internet Access caused the sanity decline. “They cannot be influence by the outside because access is local only.”
President of the Student Government (SG) Obic Va Protestvov said the SG is preparing to organize a student protest about the issue.
Crazy-Puller said the Counseling Center is fully prepared for any protests that might take place. “We will ask our volunteers to surround the crowd with speakers, […] and I will read one of the stories to them [the protesters],” she added.
